Willy tumescent at thought of hard Coq battle

“I am where I want to be right now, which is Sporting, but if I ever do leave then it’s a sign that my work here was well done. I dream of winning the Primeira Liga here.

“I prefer not to say too much, but there is a club with which I’ve always been fond of: Arsenal. Because of Thierry Henry, a player with whom I have always enjoyed watching.

“Maybe this is why I look with so much affection to the Premier League.”

Basically I just want to fill this team with as many double entendres as possible. Late swoop for Charles Hawtrey, anyone?

This is what a childhood of watching Carry On films and a teenage Viz subscription gets you.

The latter is probably used by some wags

Bit more high Brow than carry on I think.

Mrs. O'Leary's Cow and David O's *****