Good morning Awimb. I need a device where I can plug the washing machine

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Originally Posted by Monty92

Oh I was not happy, but it did serve to end the frostiness between us. We even chatted about the footy the other day.

To my great relief and surprise, there was absolutely no stench, despite him having an appearance that would give you every reason to believe his shíts absolutely honk.

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I suppose you do now have a moral advantage over him forevermore, but that's the only upside I can see from the whole ghastly business.

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Originally Posted by Burney

I suppose you do now have a moral advantage over him forevermore, but that's the only upside I can see from the whole ghastly business.

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Did I ever mention the time a girl messaged me on an online dating site telling me that we knew each other as children (our parents were mutual friends) and whether I'd like to meet up, and all I could remember about her was that she'd once taken a shít in my paddling pool in our family garden?

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Originally Posted by Monty92

Did I ever mention the time a girl messaged me on an online dating site telling me that we knew each other as children (our parents were mutual friends) and whether I'd like to meet up, and all I could remember about her was that she'd once taken a shít in my paddling pool in our family garden?

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:hehe: No, no I don't think you have.

Was she fit?

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Originally Posted by Burney

:hehe: No, no I don't think you have.

Was she fit?

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Quite pretty, but fat. You know the type.

I actually went to her dad's funeral about a year ago. We exchanged some warm words but spoke neither of the online dating nor the shítting in a paddling pool, which I felt was a shame as either topic could have lightened the frankly depressing mood around the place.

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Originally Posted by Monty92

Quite pretty, but fat. You know the type.

I actually went to her dad's funeral about a year ago. We exchanged some warm words but spoke neither of the online dating nor the shítting in a paddling pool, which I felt was a shame as either topic could have lightened the frankly depressing mood around the place.

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You should have said something to the effect of 'You can **** in my paddling pool anytime' by way of a joke.

Mind you, she may have forgotten the incident and then you'd just come across as weird.

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Originally Posted by Burney

I must admit, so would I. And a good point about the buckets.

The thing I really don't like is the implied moral blackmail of him clutching his stomach. He's basically saying 'Either you say yes or I shït myself right here'.

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This whole sordid tale is classic Monty in that it bears little scrutiny before suspicions of its veracity arise.

Far more likely the fellow simply knocked at the door to borrow a cup of sugar before Monty insisted he come in for a coffee. When the fellow asked if he could use the facilities, his stomach afflicted by the foul cheap coffee, Monty made use of his recently crafted spying orifice behind the toilet seat.

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Originally Posted by Herbert Augustus Chapman

We have to enter your privvies in order to unblock them b. A jobby will not extricate itself from the u-bend.

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Even I don't need a plumber for this scenario, when all that's required is a coat hanger, pair of pliers, a rubber glove, a bit of patience and a strong stomach.

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Originally Posted by Ash

all that's required is a coat hanger, pair of pliers, a rubber glove, a bit of patience and a strong stomach.

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I believe this is the motto of backstreet abortionists the world over.

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Originally Posted by Burney

You'd be amazed at the lengths I'll go to to keep the working classes out of my house, h.

Some of them even ask to use the lavatory, you know :-(

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You don't consider yourself working class, b?

I'm assuming that you don't consider members of your family as working class, either.... or perhaps you consider the ones you don't want coming round for a visit as a bit working class?

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Originally Posted by Alberto Balsam Rodriguez

You don't consider yourself working class, b?

I'm assuming that you don't consider members of your family as working class, either.... or perhaps you consider the ones you don't want coming round for a visit as a bit working class?

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Good God, no! I went to public school, for God's sake!

Working class, indeed! The very idea.