Monty’s top Valentine’s Day tip for 2019

So, we all know that the chicks are weirdly sentimental about Valentine’s, even the ones who claim not to be, whereas us blokes couldn’t give a shiny sh*t.

The one major upside to this is that, if you play it right, sexytime is very much on the cards.

However, should you be considering a Netflix ‘n Chill kind of evening as a precursor, I strongly recommend that you steer clear of acclaimed Oscar nominee “Roma”, which features a still birth scene that is highly likely to kibbosh any aspirations you may have had about getting your dick wet :-(

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Originally Posted by Monty92

So, we all know that the chicks are weirdly sentimental about Valentine’s, even the ones who claim not to be, whereas us blokes couldn’t give a shiny sh*t.

The one major upside to this is that, if you play it right, sexytime is very much on the cards.

However, should you be considering a Netflix ‘n Chill kind of evening as a precursor, I strongly recommend that you steer clear of acclaimed Oscar nominee “Roma”, which features a still birth scene that is highly likely to kibbosh any aspirations you may have had about getting your dick wet :-(

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needs no reason save the sating of his primal urge.

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Originally Posted by Herbert Augustus Chapman

needs no reason save the sating of his primal urge.

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You are an Allan and I claim my five pounds.

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Originally Posted by Monty92

So, we all know that the chicks are weirdly sentimental about Valentine’s, even the ones who claim not to be, whereas us blokes couldn’t give a shiny sh*t.

The one major upside to this is that, if you play it right, sexytime is very much on the cards.

However, should you be considering a Netflix ‘n Chill kind of evening as a precursor, I strongly recommend that you steer clear of acclaimed Oscar nominee “Roma”, which features a still birth scene that is highly likely to kibbosh any aspirations you may have had about getting your dick wet :-(

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Hmmmm. About pikeys, is it?

Has to be said that that was one area where Hitler was very sound.

I passed two chaps this morning as I walked down Leeson Street into town and both were carrying roses.

Given the approximate time of 8:40 I assume they were on their way to work.

Odd I thought. Who gives flowers to a chick in the office.

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Originally Posted by SWv2

I passed two chaps this morning as I walked down Leeson Street into town and both were carrying roses.

Given the approximate time of 8:40 I assume they were on their way to work.

Odd I thought. Who gives flowers to a chick in the office.

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Lidl, 100 roses for £25........ job done imho

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Originally Posted by Pokster

Lidl, 100 roses for £25........ job done imho

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Personally I don’t bother with any of it but is that not expensive given it is LIDL?

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Originally Posted by SWv2

Personally I don’t bother with any of it but is that not expensive given it is LIDL?

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Well, ask a flower shop how much 100 roses will be around this time and £25 will seem like an absolute bargian. Some places will charge £3-4 a flower at this time

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Originally Posted by Burney

Hmmmm. About pikeys, is it?

Has to be said that that was one area where Hitler was very sound.

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So you saw the BBC4 doc the other day too, did you? I must say, the host wasn't very convincing in trying to persuade us not to be mean about them, was he?

But no, Roma isn't about pikeys at all, actually.

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Originally Posted by Monty92

So you saw the BBC4 doc the other day too, did you? I must say, the host wasn't very convincing in trying to persuade us not to be mean about them, was he?

But no, Roma isn't about pikeys at all, actually.

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Oh, no, I didn't. I've been in Murica. Why was he suggesting we ought not to wipe out the feral, subhuman filth, then?

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Originally Posted by Burney

Oh, no, I didn't. I've been in Murica. Why was he suggesting we ought not to wipe out the feral, subhuman filth, then?

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He didn't really have a reason beyond "We're not all scum".

As I said, not very convincing.

I didn't actually realise the Romani were Indian in origin. Am I dumb? :hide:

That bit is essential; it's a very pointed and public display of your devotion to whichever particular dolly it happens to be. Equally, she will return the gesture in kind by carrying them proudly home for everyone around to see. So much as to say, He loves me and I love him.

Either that or she'll bin them immediately upon receipt, depending on the circs.

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Originally Posted by SWv2

I passed two chaps this morning as I walked down Leeson Street into town and both were carrying roses.

Given the approximate time of 8:40 I assume they were on their way to work.

Odd I thought. Who gives flowers to a chick in the office.

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Originally Posted by Monty92

He didn't really have a reason beyond "We're not all scum".

As I said, not very convincing.

I didn't actually realise the Romani were Indian in origin. Am I dumb? :hide:

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I’m pretty sure that’s just one explanation of their origins.
And no, they’ll have to do better than ‘we’re not all scum’. They haven’t even got a decent food culture going for them. It’s just dancing, fortune tellers/cursers, boxing, horse torture and habitual criminality.

Can't believe you left out "coursing".

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Originally Posted by Burney

I’m pretty sure that’s just one explanation of their origins.
And no, they’ll have to do better than ‘we’re not all scum’. They haven’t even got a decent food culture going for them. It’s just dancing, fortune tellers/cursers, boxing, horse torture and habitual criminality.

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Originally Posted by Burney

I’m pretty sure that’s just one explanation of their origins.
And no, they’ll have to do better than ‘we’re not all scum’. They haven’t even got a decent food culture going for them. It’s just dancing, fortune tellers/cursers, boxing, horse torture and habitual criminality.

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I think the genetic heritage of yer Romani types is pretty well understood. It's the Irish pykies that are the real mystery.

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Originally Posted by Monty92

I think the genetic heritage of yer Romani types is pretty well understood. It's the Irish pykies that are the real mystery.

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They all píss in the same pot, m

Nothing wrong with Valentine's Day provided a chap sees it for what it is; a good excuse to enjoy a fine bottle of champagne and some excellent chocolates. Nothing wrong with that.

As long as you don't fall for the ridiculously expensive flowers or pointless card nonsense all is good.

In my case it shall be Laurent Perrier Rose, Charbonnet and Walker truffles (probably salted caramel) and dinner at my local, which does good food.

wd V day imo. :nod:

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Originally Posted by WES

Nothing wrong with Valentine's Day provided a chap sees it for what it is; a good excuse to enjoy a fine bottle of champagne and some excellent chocolates. Nothing wrong with that.

As long as you don't fall for the ridiculously expensive flowers or pointless card nonsense all is good.

In my case it shall be Laurent Perrier Rose, Charbonnet and Walker truffles (probably salted caramel) and dinner at my local, which does good food.

wd V day imo. :nod:

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I'm taking the missus up the Farang tomorrow night, which happens to be just down the road from the Emirates, so I can take her up the Farang and the Arsenal on the same night :clap:

It's almost certainly this kind of razor sharp wit that first attracted her to me :nod:

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Originally Posted by Monty92

... on the same night :clap:

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are you applauding your own 'gags' there, m?

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Originally Posted by redgunamo

That bit is essential; it's a very pointed and public display of your devotion to whichever particular dolly it happens to be. Equally, she will return the gesture in kind by carrying them proudly home for everyone around to see. So much as to say, He loves me and I love him.

Either that or she'll bin them immediately upon receipt, depending on the circs.

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I have always worked on the theory that if a chap is banging a chick at work then it is on the QT and parading into work with 10 roses is singly not the done thing.

If it is a publicly known coupling then surely best to present them to her later in a more private and dare I say intimate surrounding.

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Originally Posted by WES

Nothing wrong with Valentine's Day provided a chap sees it for what it is; a good excuse to enjoy a fine bottle of champagne and some excellent chocolates. Nothing wrong with that.

As long as you don't fall for the ridiculously expensive flowers or pointless card nonsense all is good.

In my case it shall be Laurent Perrier Rose, Charbonnet and Walker truffles (probably salted caramel) and dinner at my local, which does good food.

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And in this case some Champagne Football from Unai Emery's 5-2-0-3 Army. :-|

Salted chocolates are an abomination imo. Another triumph of fashion over common sense. You don't put salt in yer tea, so why put it in chocolates?

Anyhoo, chocolates are for girls, Shirley. :judge:

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Originally Posted by Ash

And in this case some Champagne Football from Unai Emery's 5-2-0-3 Army. :-|

Salted chocolates are an abomination imo. Another triumph of fashion over common sense. You don't put salt in yer tea, so why put it in chocolates?

Anyhoo, chocolates are for girls, Shirley. :judge:

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This ^^.

Salted caramel. Rancid shíte.

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Originally Posted by SWv2

This ^^.

Salted caramel. Rancid shíte.

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https://www.dailystar.co.uk/real-lif...KXXs9xvDCY28ns

This seems perfect though

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Originally Posted by Ash

And in this case some Champagne Football from Unai Emery's 5-2-0-3 Army. :-|

Salted chocolates are an abomination imo. Another triumph of fashion over common sense. You don't put salt in yer tea, so why put it in chocolates?

Anyhoo, chocolates are for girls, Shirley. :judge:

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Actually I went for Veuve Clicquot Rose as it's just as good and was 10 quid cheaper #wannabejew

And salted caramel is food for the gods. Caramel is good. Salt is good. And it compliments the caramel. Perfect.

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Originally Posted by Monty92

So, we all know that the chicks are weirdly sentimental about Valentine’s, even the ones who claim not to be, whereas us blokes couldn’t give a shiny sh*t.

The one major upside to this is that, if you play it right, sexytime is very much on the cards.

However, should you be considering a Netflix ‘n Chill kind of evening as a precursor, I strongly recommend that you steer clear of acclaimed Oscar nominee “Roma”, which features a still birth scene that is highly likely to kibbosh any aspirations you may have had about getting your dick wet :-(

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**** that.... I told the wife years ago, when she was not my wife, that I do not do valentines day. Take it or leave it. She obviously made the right decision :-)