For a mere acquaintance you've shared some very intimate situations. I dread to think how close you get to a genuine friend!
I lived with him at University. On one famous occasion he was so proud of a dump that he'd taken that he refused to flush it until we'd all seen it. These were the days before cameraphones, so we were all expected to troop in there and wonder at his monstrous log.
I quite liked him, but I'm not sure he was fully human. :-(
I told you about my good chum's 18th birthday, I believe? So píssed did we make him that I feared for his life, so I accompanied him to his room (this was at school) and climbed into bed with him, determined to save him from choking on his won sick. Waking in the middle of the night and wandering about the dreadful smell, I soon realised that he had shít himself and covered us both in it. The remarkable thing was how far the shít had travelled. It was in my hair, for fúck's sake.
I had to wake people up to help drag him to the shower without waking the housemaster who was a right horrible ****.
See also pneumonia. I was off for two weeks with it during which the sun shone almost constantly. I lay in my garden coughing/sleeping for two weeks as it wore off.
When I got back to work I had a nice tan and was a stone lighter. Everyone kept telling me how good I looked and asked where I'd been, :-\