You know the old jokes about getting older and your prostate swelling,

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12-06-2018, 02:45 PM
Sir C

You know the old jokes about getting older and your prostate swelling,

meaning you have to get up in the night to piss?

I can't remember the last time I slept through the night. My prostate must be like a fúcking watermelon. :-(
12-06-2018, 03:04 PM
Monty92

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sir C

meaning you have to get up in the night to piss?

I can't remember the last time I slept through the night. My prostate must be like a fúcking watermelon. :-(

I find keeping liquid intake to a minimum after around 9pm can make a big difference.

But then, I'm about 20 years younger than you, not to mention significantly healthier and in better shape, so maybe you're beyond hope.
12-06-2018, 03:05 PM
Sir C

Quote:

Originally Posted by Monty92

I find keeping liquid intake to a minimum after around 9pm can make a big difference.

But then, I'm about 20 years younger than you, not to mention significantly healthier and in better shape, so maybe you're beyond hope.

I'm still in good enough shape to batter you to death with your mum's corpse.
12-06-2018, 03:17 PM
Monty92

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sir C

I'm still in good enough shape to batter you to death with your mum's corpse.

Presumably you'd render me semi-conscious so you can f*ck Maureen's corpse while I'm forced to watch before finishing me off, so to speak?
12-06-2018, 03:31 PM
7sisters

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sir C

meaning you have to get up in the night to piss?

I can't remember the last time I slept through the night. My prostate must be like a fúcking watermelon. :-(

PSA test will sort you out one way or another. I've been pondering it, as it's *that* time of life when you're meant to get checked.
Having recently seen first hand, a bunch of old chaps hopping around outside the radiotherapy suite, it can't do any harm.
12-06-2018, 03:34 PM
IUFG

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sir C

meaning you have to get up in the night to piss?

I can't remember the last time I slept through the night. My prostate must be like a fúcking watermelon. :-(

Your doc is going to shove his arm, elbow deep, into you, sc
12-06-2018, 03:43 PM
SWv2

Quote:

Originally Posted by Monty92

I find keeping liquid intake to a minimum after around 9pm can make a big difference.

But then, I'm about 20 years younger than you, not to mention significantly healthier and in better shape, so maybe you're beyond hope.

You sound like a fúcking homo all the same.

Liquid intake to a minimum after 9pm ffs.
12-06-2018, 03:52 PM
Chief Arrowhead

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sir C

meaning you have to get up in the night to piss?

I can't remember the last time I slept through the night. My prostate must be like a fúcking watermelon. :-(

Could be Sleep Apnea.

Lack of a deep sleep contributes to a lack of oxygen, which causes your kidneys to tense up, which increases the urge to pee. I had this issue about three years ago, was diagnosed, and now am on a CPAP machine. Now I frequently sleep through the night, many times waking up in the morning in the same position I started!

Before, I had the unavoidable desire to nod off at all times of the day, including around 9:00am. Nowadays seven hours of sleep has me refreshed. Changed my life.
12-06-2018, 03:55 PM
Sir C

Quote:

Originally Posted by 7sisters

PSA test will sort you out one way or another. I've been pondering it, as it's *that* time of life when you're meant to get checked.
Having recently seen first hand, a bunch of old chaps hopping around outside the radiotherapy suite, it can't do any harm.

My doctor told me he was going to check my prostate once and I agreed.

Never, ever again. I swear he shoved a wardrobe up my fundament.

I'll take the cancer thanks.
12-06-2018, 03:55 PM
Sir C

Quote:

Originally Posted by IUFG

Your doc is going to shove his arm, elbow deep, into you, sc

I can assure you he isn't, i.
12-06-2018, 03:56 PM
Monty92

Quote:

Originally Posted by SWv2

You sound like a fúcking homo all the same.

Liquid intake to a minimum after 9pm ffs.

You think that's gay - check out Chief Arrowhead's post in this same thread. He's been diagnosed with a stupid, made-up sleeping disease that requires him to be strapped to some kind of machine while he sleeps :hehe:
12-06-2018, 03:56 PM
Sir C

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chief Arrowhead

Could be Sleep Apnea.

Lack of a deep sleep contributes to a lack of oxygen, which causes your kidneys to tense up, which increases the urge to pee. I had this issue about three years ago, was diagnosed, and now am on a CPAP machine. Now I frequently sleep through the night, many times waking up in the morning in the same position I started!

Before, I had the unavoidable desire to nod off at all times of the day, including around 9:00am. Nowadays seven hours of sleep has me refreshed. Changed my life.

A CPAP machine? Is that like an iron lung or a dialysis machine? Sounds nasty.
12-06-2018, 03:57 PM
Sir C

Quote:

Originally Posted by Monty92

Presumably you'd render me semi-conscious so you can f*ck Maureen's corpse while I'm forced to watch before finishing me off, so to speak?

You have a deeply perverse imagination. Fancy hooking up?
12-06-2018, 03:57 PM
IUFG

Quote:

Originally Posted by SWv2

You sound like a fúcking homo all the same.

...and possibly a bed-wetter.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SWv2

Liquid intake to a minimum after 9pm ffs.

He probably has just one small sherry or pineau before bedtime, sw. You know, that type of person.
12-06-2018, 03:59 PM
Sir C

Quote:

Originally Posted by Monty92

You think that's gay - check out Chief Arrowhead's post in this same thread. He's been diagnosed with a stupid, made-up sleeping disease that requires him to be strapped to some kind of machine while he sleeps :hehe:

I'm not wearing this in bed.

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped.../7/7f/CPAP.png
12-06-2018, 04:00 PM
IUFG

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sir C

I can assure you he isn't, i.

alternatively, get yourself one of these

https://www.stadiumpal.com/product/stadium-pal-kit/
12-06-2018, 04:01 PM
Luis Anaconda

Quote:

Originally Posted by Monty92

You think that's gay - check out Chief Arrowhead's post in this same thread. He's been diagnosed with a stupid, made-up sleeping disease that requires him to be strapped to some kind of machine while he sleeps :hehe:

He's American, m, you expect it of him. You're British - we won the bloody war you know

:wave: Hi Chief
12-06-2018, 04:08 PM
SWv2

Quote:

Originally Posted by Monty92

You think that's gay - check out Chief Arrowhead's post in this same thread. He's been diagnosed with a stupid, made-up sleeping disease that requires him to be strapped to some kind of machine while he sleeps :hehe:

He's American. That alone is an excuse of sorts.
12-06-2018, 04:13 PM
Herbert Augustus Chapman

I am a cancer expert c. It is critical that you ignore any symptoms you may have.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sir C

My doctor told me he was going to check my prostate once and I agreed.

Never, ever again. I swear he shoved a wardrobe up my fundament.

I'll take the cancer thanks.

Running to your doctor like a baby is exactly what the cancer wants. Ignore it it and it will sulk and go away.

I'm pissing six or seven times a night, with excruciating pain right there were the prostate is but it needn't think it's going to win!
12-06-2018, 04:15 PM
Sir C

Quote:

Originally Posted by Herbert Augustus Chapman

Running to your doctor like a baby is exactly what the cancer wants. Ignore it it and it will sulk and go away.

I'm pissing six or seven times a night, with excruciating pain right there were the prostate is but it needn't think it's going to win!

Definitely. I'm completely ignoring this mahoosive tuma on my face as well.
12-06-2018, 04:24 PM
Herbert Augustus Chapman

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sir C

Definitely. I'm completely ignoring this mahoosive tuma on my face as well.

The enormous ugly tumour on your face is basically just your face c. F'geddabahdit! :tapin:
12-06-2018, 04:31 PM
SWv2

Quote:

Originally Posted by Herbert Augustus Chapman

The enormous ugly tumour on your face is basically just your face c. F'geddabahdit! :tapin:

That is more than a bit rude to be honest H.
12-06-2018, 04:34 PM
Sir C

Quote:

Originally Posted by SWv2

That is more than a bit rude to be honest H.

He's always bullying me sw. I'm pretty scared of him to be honest.
12-06-2018, 04:44 PM
Herbert Augustus Chapman

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sir C

He's always bullying me sw. I'm pretty scared of him to be honest.

You fackin need to be son. You're a big poncy toff and I'm a horny handed working class son of toil. I poke myself in the eye with a sharp stick when I'm bored and I've got tattoos on my bellend.
12-06-2018, 04:52 PM
Sir C

Quote:

Originally Posted by Herbert Augustus Chapman

You fackin need to be son. You're a big poncy toff and I'm a horny handed working class son of toil. I poke myself in the eye with a sharp stick when I'm bored and I've got tattoos on my bellend.

Ooh, I do find you rather exciting when you get all rough and manly, h. :chaseme:
12-06-2018, 05:08 PM
Herbert Augustus Chapman

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sir C

Ooh, I do find you rather exciting when you get all rough and manly, h. :chaseme:

I can't run anymore c. Me prostate's bulgin' out o' me arse'ole
12-06-2018, 10:35 PM
Burney

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sir C

I'm not wearing this in bed.

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped.../7/7f/CPAP.png

It just seems a bit Blue Velvet, doesn’t it?
12-07-2018, 12:13 AM
Chief Arrowhead

Quote:

Originally Posted by Burney

It just seems a bit Blue Velvet, doesn’t it?

.

That's bull****. Two little things up the nostrils, mouth is uncovered. That must be the **** NHS stuff you socialists put up with.

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