There' been a distressing lack of Masterchef chat lately

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12-07-2017, 02:16 PM
Burney

There' been a distressing lack of Masterchef chat lately

For the record, then: I hate the intense little blonde tart with the tattooed on eyebrows - although Marcus Wareing clearly wants to fück her and will therefore let her away with murder. I also hate the private chef with the beard who likes to cook with kale and is clearly enamoured of all this Scandi cooking shíte. I want him to fall into his own sous vide machine and drown.

Beyond that, I don't care who wins.
12-07-2017, 02:18 PM
Sir C

Quote:

Originally Posted by Burney

For the record, then: I hate the intense little blonde tart with the tattooed on eyebrows - although Marcus Wareing clearly wants to fück her and will therefore let her away with murder. I also hate the private chef with the beard who likes to cook with kale and is clearly enamoured of all this Scandi cooking shíte. I want him to fall into his own sous vide machine and drown.

Beyond that, I don't care who wins.

They're all as dull as all fúckery, but the ball-busting blond bird will win, sans doute.

Beetroot. Who gives a fúck about beetroot?
12-07-2017, 02:31 PM
Burney

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sir C

They're all as dull as all fúckery, but the ball-busting blond bird will win, sans doute.

Beetroot. Who gives a fúck about beetroot?

She served a fücking banana that looked like a diseased cock and böllocks, ffs! She also failed to have the cream spurting out of the end for comic effect. She should lose for that alone. Instead, they all kissed her arse. :furious: If any restaurant tried to serve me a banana for my pudding, I'd throw it at them.

Beetroot can fück right off. Also, if I see another cünt burning a cabbage, I'm going to take to someone with a blowtorch.
12-07-2017, 02:35 PM
SWv2

Quote:

Originally Posted by Burney

For the record, then: I hate the intense little blonde tart with the tattooed on eyebrows - although Marcus Wareing clearly wants to fück her and will therefore let her away with murder. I also hate the private chef with the beard who likes to cook with kale and is clearly enamoured of all this Scandi cooking shíte. I want him to fall into his own sous vide machine and drown.

Beyond that, I don't care who wins.

I saw some of it last night after training. There was a chap doing a plankton risotto. Just to clarify, he put plankton into a risotto.

Apparently it smelt like a harbour which any person will know is not pleasant.

I was having a large bowl of crunchy nut cornflakes.
12-07-2017, 02:38 PM
Burney

Quote:

Originally Posted by SWv2

I saw some of it last night after training. There was a chap doing a plankton risotto. Just to clarify, he put plankton into a risotto.

Apparently it smelt like a harbour which any person will know is not pleasant.

I was having a large bowl of crunchy nut cornflakes.

I did wonder if when he made that comparison, he was taking into account the stench of rotten fish guts and diesel, I must admit. :hehe:
12-07-2017, 02:40 PM
Viva Prat Vegas

I like the smell of diesel
Second to petrol
(sniff) mmmmmmmmmmm
12-07-2017, 02:41 PM
SWv2

Quote:

Originally Posted by Burney

I did wonder if when he made that comparison, he was taking into account the stench of rotten fish guts and diesel, I must admit. :hehe:

I did think the reaction to the chick’s dessert was a little excessive, banana and some made up product called Yuzu. She can fúck off. I don’t think she even served ice cream with it.

Essentially I think they were determined to put her through after the restaurant round and just went over the top.

Also only fair to point out Gregg Wallace, what a ****.
12-07-2017, 02:42 PM
Burney

Quote:

Originally Posted by Viva Prat Vegas

I like the smell of diesel
Second to petrol
(sniff) mmmmmmmmmmm

Petrol's nice, but there's something rank about diesel.
12-07-2017, 02:42 PM
Sir C

Quote:

Originally Posted by Burney

She served a fücking banana that looked like a diseased cock and böllocks, ffs! She also failed to have the cream spurting out of the end for comic effect. She should lose for that alone. Instead, they all kissed her arse. :furious: If any restaurant tried to serve me a banana for my pudding, I'd throw it at them.

Beetroot can fück right off. Also, if I see another cünt burning a cabbage, I'm going to take to someone with a blowtorch.

Wareing's going to be up that like a ferret up a trouser leg.
12-07-2017, 02:43 PM
Burney

Quote:

Originally Posted by SWv2

I did think the reaction to the chick’s dessert was a little excessive, banana and some made up product called Yuzu. She can fúck off. I don’t think she even served ice cream with it.

Essentially I think they were determined to put her through after the restaurant round and just went over the top.

Also only fair to point out Gregg Wallace, what a ****.

Isn't he, though? I'm amazed no stories of him molesting contestants have come out. I'd have put good money on him being a keen sex pest.
12-07-2017, 02:44 PM
Viva Prat Vegas

At least Gregg the cund presents the show with a cheery wink
Torode overdoes the solemnity and the high and mightiness of the programme

I do not watch it
12-07-2017, 02:46 PM
Sir C

Quote:

Originally Posted by Burney

Petrol's nice, but there's something rank about diesel.

Petrol reminds me of the Great Smell of Chang. :-(
12-07-2017, 02:46 PM
Burney

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sir C

Wareing's going to be up that like a ferret up a trouser leg.

They all defer pathetically to him - even more so than the days of Chef Michel. Also, I don't like Monica now that she's the good cop. I preferred her when she was stone-faced and miserable. Also, some of her manglings of English vowel sounds defy belief (or 'buh-leaf' as she'd doubtless call it).
12-07-2017, 02:47 PM
Burney

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sir C

Petrol reminds me of the Great Smell of Chang. :-(

:nod: And that time you did your Human Torch act, presumably.
12-07-2017, 02:48 PM
SWv2

Quote:

Originally Posted by Viva Prat Vegas

At least Gregg the cund presents the show with a cheery wink
Torode overdoes the solemnity and the high and mightiness of the programme

I do not watch it

Torode doesn’t do the professional one for reasons I am unsure of, possibly because he is Australian and by virtue a ****.

Waring is quite good in that he seems to make the contestants feel relaxed, or as relaxed as is possible given their relative youth and his standing in the culinary world.

The woman is clearly a lesbian and Wallace we have already dealt with.

The critics to a man are utter ****s especially Rayner and Sidwell.
12-07-2017, 02:48 PM
Sir C

Quote:

Originally Posted by Burney

They all defer pathetically to him - even more so than the days of Chef Michel. Also, I don't like Monica now that she's the good cop. I preferred her when she was stone-faced and miserable. Also, some of her manglings of English vowel sounds defy belief (or 'buh-leaf' as she'd doubtless call it).

"Thus dush has muny ulumunts." Just. Fúck. Off.
12-07-2017, 02:48 PM
Sir C

Quote:

Originally Posted by Burney

:nod: And that time you did your Human Torch act, presumably.

Good timez b, good timez indeed.
12-07-2017, 02:50 PM
Viva Prat Vegas

Sir C ""Thus dush has muny ulumunts." Just. Fúck. Off."

Channelling Lloyd Gross surely
12-07-2017, 02:51 PM
SWv2

I do notice how none of the chefs are drinking while they cook.

For me it is an essential part of the process. I may enter one year and introduce this as an extra visual spectacle.
12-07-2017, 02:51 PM
Burney

Quote:

Originally Posted by SWv2

Torode doesn’t do the professional one for reasons I am unsure of, possibly because he is Australian and by virtue a ****.

Waring is quite good in that he seems to make the contestants feel relaxed, or as relaxed as is possible given their relative youth and his standing in the culinary world.

The woman is clearly a lesbian and Wallace we have already dealt with.

The critics to a man are utter ****s especially Rayner and Sidwell.

I assumed she was a lusbian, but apparently not. She's married to a Frunch head waiter.

Can you imagine what she does to the French language? :-(

Agree about Sitwell and Rayner. Sitwell's the worst and needs stabbing. Rayner just makes me think fondly of that huge fat man they used to get in to judge.

By contrast, Grace Dent seems quite nice.
12-07-2017, 02:52 PM
Burney

Quote:

Originally Posted by SWv2

I do notice how none of the chefs are drinking while they cook.

For me it is an essential part of the process. I may enter one year and introduce this as an extra visual spectacle.

Good point, actually. I can't imagine cooking without a drink. :-(
12-07-2017, 02:52 PM
Sir C

Quote:

Originally Posted by Viva Prat Vegas

Sir C ""Thus dush has muny ulumunts." Just. Fúck. Off."

Channelling Lloyd Gross surely

Lloyd's mangling of the language had a certain entertaining quality to it. This woman is just incomprehensible. And ugly.
12-07-2017, 02:53 PM
Viva Prat Vegas

SW "The critics to a man are utter ****s especially Rayner and Sidwell"

Jay Rayner has the face and the attitude of a total cund
I suspect he would grass
12-07-2017, 02:54 PM
Burney

Quote:

Originally Posted by Viva Prat Vegas

SW "The critics to a man are utter ****s especially Rayner and Sidwell"

Jay Rayner has the face and the attitude of a total cund
I suspect he would grass

He's also spectacularly fat, but has managed successfully to distract from the fact by being really cünt-ugly. wdjrimo
12-07-2017, 02:54 PM
PSRB

Quote:

Originally Posted by Burney

I assumed she was a lusbian, but apparently not. She's married to a Frunch head waiter.

Can you imagine what she does to the French language? :-(

Agree about Sitwell and Rayner. Sitwell's the worst and needs stabbing. Rayner just makes me think fondly of that huge fat man they used to get in to judge.

By contrast, Grace Dent seems quite nice.

Sitwell is a knob, met him on many occasions when I was working at John Brown publishing years back
12-07-2017, 02:56 PM
Sir C

Quote:

Originally Posted by Burney

I assumed she was a lusbian, but apparently not. She's married to a Frunch head waiter.

Can you imagine what she does to the French language? :-(

Agree about Sitwell and Rayner. Sitwell's the worst and needs stabbing. Rayner just makes me think fondly of that huge fat man they used to get in to judge.

By contrast, Grace Dent seems quite nice.

He is head sommelier at Le Gavroche. I think he'd be more than a little offended at being described as a waiter. :hehe:
12-07-2017, 02:58 PM
Burney

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sir C

He is head sommelier at Le Gavroche. I think he'd be more than a little offended at being described as a waiter. :hehe:

Meh. They all puss un the same put.
12-07-2017, 03:32 PM
Herbert Augustus Chapman

Your mum's harbour smells like a harbour

Quote:

Originally Posted by SWv2

I saw some of it last night after training. There was a chap doing a plankton risotto. Just to clarify, he put plankton into a risotto.

Apparently it smelt like a harbour which any person will know is not pleasant.

I was having a large bowl of crunchy nut cornflakes.

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