I'm making Ikea-style meatballs with thon mustard sauce tonight. Victory is guaranteed. Meatballs is powerful juju.
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I'm making Ikea-style meatballs with thon mustard sauce tonight. Victory is guaranteed. Meatballs is powerful juju.
I was watching a programme about IKEA the other day. A very frightened and sweaty man was pretending to run a part of their ideas department. He allowed a truly terrible idea to go to production. The poor chinesers were completely bewildered by it and it was an utter failure. I assume he's been sacked.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir C
They've made a programme about IKEA? There was I thinking this was a golden age of TV. Clearly, we're scraping the bottom of the bottom of the barrell.Quote:
Originally Posted by Burney
Do you think they will play with a flat pack four? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAQuote:
Originally Posted by Sir C
Was that the "uniquely individual vases" that looked worse then a reject?Quote:
Originally Posted by Burney
****ing terrible things. And an even worse idea.
I will wager you have gayed them up, such is your way.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir C
The true essence of the Ikea meatball is that one knows they are cheap and nasty, yet wonderful and fulfilling at the same time. Do you have the lingonberry jam to serve with?
It was fascinating in that depressing way that programmes about retail sometimes are. They also showed one opening in some appalling northern ****hole. There was a weird man who'd been involved in all their openings in the UK and was bizarrely enthusiastic and seemed to think everyone else should be, too. Meanwhile they took on a kid so stupid I wouldn't have trusted him to cross the road on his own to work on the shopfloor.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir C
All in all, they didn't come out of it terribly well.
When you say, 'gayed them up', you mean, 'improved them', don't you?Quote:
Originally Posted by SWv2
Actually I have no idea, since I don't know the IKEA recipe. I'm guessing they use a mixture of pork and beef and I have only beef, so perhaps they are less gay.
Jam? On my dinner? Fúck you.
:nod: That was the one. Take a company whose whole business ethos is founded on uniformity and introduce individually fücked-up vases.Quote:
Originally Posted by IUFG
I'd have sacked the sweaty little cünt on the spot, tbh.
Nice one la.Quote:
Originally Posted by Luis Anaconda
Nice.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir C
I've never had an IKEA meatball. Or even a Swedish meatball, tbh. I assume they're just like everyone else's meatballs?
This is fine work, la.Quote:
Originally Posted by Luis Anaconda
Right, so you are potentially changing the meat element of the dish and not serving the jam yet you are attempting to pass them off as "Ikea-style meatballs".Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir C
In summary you're a charlatan.
They are a bunch of Swedish no-marks, aren't they? Surely we shouldn't even need juju?Quote:
Originally Posted by SWv2
It was a fascinating insight tbf.Quote:
Originally Posted by Burney
Also, the thick kid who didn't know what most things were. He is a typical example of the brain-dead, mobile staring 'millennial' that is dribbling into the labour market.
Dennis help us!
A good moment for the old Europa League team or IKEA product quiz.Quote:
Originally Posted by Luis Anaconda
https://news.paddypower.com/football...t-quiz-201617/
They come (or used to when I had them 25 years ago) with a mustard cream sauce; that's what makes them Swedish, I think. That and the jam.Quote:
Originally Posted by Burney
Hmmm. Have you ever gone to Ikea?Quote:
Originally Posted by Burney
:nod: Thick as mince. And he got the job! Can you imagine the collection of window-licking subnormals he must have been up against to come out on top?Quote:
Originally Posted by IUFG
His poor mum having to drive him to work at 5.30 every morning. She probably considers it worthwhile just to get him out of the house for the day.
If you continue trying to make me put jam on my dinner I will find you and I will kill you.Quote:
Originally Posted by SWv2
I've gone to IKEA. I become disorientated and invariably emerge enraged and in no mood for meatballs. It's like the seventh circle of hell for me, I must admit.Quote:
Originally Posted by SWv2
I sometimes put a bit of jam in my sauce when I roast a duck leg. Very nice, it is. Cherry or blackcurrant for preference.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir C
Yes, but you're self-confessed genetically Irish, you repulsive deviant.Quote:
Originally Posted by Burney
They do serve lingonberry jam with absolutely everything. Basically it's because it's dark half the year and preserved fruit was literally their only source of Vitamin C.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir C
I have also heard them referred to as cloudberries.Quote:
Originally Posted by Burney
Cloudberries my árse.
Canard aux cerises is hardly an Irish dish now, is it? I also make a smashing Raymond Blanc pork loin stuffed with prunes of which you'd probably disapprove.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir C
The meatball ending is the only thing that keeps me going as normally any visit I am forced to make is on a Sunday and I invariably have been hungover.Quote:
Originally Posted by Burney
Not unknown for me to lie down on one of the showroom beds, thus spoiling the moment for the eager newly wed home builders as they do up their measurements and plan their blissful future.
We call it duck you big fúcking gaylord.Quote:
Originally Posted by Burney
I think they're different, but who really cares?Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir C
With a raging hangover it's literally one of the worst places on earth. Noisy, hot, disorientating, impossible to escape and highly paranoia-inducing. It could almost be purpose-built to cause panic attacks.Quote:
Originally Posted by SWv2
I go to IKEA to stock up on pencils
Didn't the interviewer describe him as 'family orientated'?Quote:
Originally Posted by Burney
Which was, as far I could tell, based purely on the fact the he was going to have to get his mum out of bed at 4.30am every day to get him to work. :-D
Yes. Either that or because he was clearly the product of incest.Quote:
Originally Posted by IUFG
He had one of those halfway haircuts
Intricate maze job around the back and sides and don't touch the top
I would like to thank Sir C for our victory last night
His balls worked
It's nice to be appreciated, s.Quote:
Originally Posted by Viva Prat Vegas
You would have enjoyed it when I covered my balls in my creamy sauce.
(Reaches for a glass of water pronto)