I shall be meeting my father-in-law for the first time on Saturday

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sir C

Why? If he's not a septic, why is the US his only option? This whole story makes fúck all sense.

---

Also, why has he married a clitless Nigerian hooker?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sir C

Hmm, in Dar or Nairobi or Lusaka an expat doesn't need a team of bodyguards to wander down the street.

I'm going to have to come out and say it. West Africa isn't anywhere near as nice as east Africa.

---

Better slaves and footballers, though, you have to say that for it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Burney

Also, why has he married a clitless Nigerian hooker?

---

Too many questions, too few answers. monty has fúcked up bigly here.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sir C

Hmm, in Dar or Nairobi or Lusaka an expat doesn't need a team of bodyguards to wander down the street.

I'm going to have to come out and say it. West Africa isn't anywhere near as nice as east Africa.

---

I'd agree with you there. Lake Malawi, for a start; great catfish.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Burney

Better slaves and footballers, though, you have to say that for it.

---

And hounds.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by redgunamo

I'd agree with you there. Lake Malawi, for a start; great catfish.

---

Catfish? Catfish? Horrible, muddy things. Not improved when served with ugali.

Allow me to steer sir towards the nyama chomba.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sir C

Catfish? Catfish? Horrible, muddy things. Not improved when served with ugali.

Allow me to steer sir towards the nyama chomba.

---

No, I love 'em. People dry them or freeze them for me and send them over.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by redgunamo

And hounds.

---

The Selous is home to the continent's largest population of African Wild Dog, as I'm sure you're aware.

Have you considered adding some African DNA to your breeding programme, r?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sir C

Catfish? Catfish? Horrible, muddy things. Not improved when served with ugali.

Allow me to steer sir towards the nyama chomba.

---

Catfish is big in the southern states of the US. Particularly seems to be a soul food thing. Big piles of breaded catfish fillets with tartare sauce. Odd lot, really.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by redgunamo

No, I love 'em. People dry them or freeze them for me and send them over.

---

People send you frozen catfish from Malawi?

Am I living in a David Lynch film?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sir C

The Selous is home to the continent's largest population of African Wild Dog, as I'm sure you're aware.

Have you considered adding some African DNA to your breeding programme, r?

---

:hehe: Don't be silly! The whole point of a dog is that it is *not* wild.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Burney

Also, why has he married a clitless Nigerian hooker?

---

It's wife number 4, and given the first one is on anti-psychotic drugs for the rest of her life, he's arguably getting more discerning.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Monty92

It's wife number 4, and given the first one is on anti-psychotic drugs for the rest of her life, he's arguably getting more discerning.

---

Wife number 5 will be your mum
It will be confusing

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sir C

People send you frozen catfish from Malawi?

Am I living in a David Lynch film?

---

Dried sounds worse.

I'm trying not to imagine the fearful hum of r's package after its long journey from Africa. :-(

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sir C

People send you frozen catfish from Malawi?

Am I living in a David Lynch film?

---

Oh, yes. Arrives the same day. Same as sushi stuff from Nagoya. or what-have-you.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by redgunamo

And hounds.

---

They have african hunting dogs in London Zoo. 11 puppies arrived at once the other year.

https://www.zsl.org/videos/zoo-babie...g-puppies-born

Feeding time is good. You can watch the keeper lob a chunk of antelope or something over the fence and watch them excitedly rip it to pieces.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Monty92

It's wife number 4, and given the first one is on anti-psychotic drugs for the rest of her life, he's arguably getting more discerning.

---

Have you asked him what she's like in bed? The new one, not the mental one.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Burney

r's package

---

More cock obsession

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Burney

Dried sounds worse.

I'm trying not to imagine the fearful hum of r's package after its long journey from Africa. :-(

---

:hehe: In the old days at Terminal 3, poorly iced and packed fish would often leave their bloody trail across the floor.

Simpler, more trusting times.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Ash

They have african hunting dogs in London Zoo. 11 puppies arrived at once the other year.

https://www.zsl.org/videos/zoo-babie...g-puppies-born

Feeding time is good. You can watch the keeper lob a chunk of antelope or something over the fence and watch them excitedly rip it to pieces.

---

Or 'London Concentration Camp', as we like to call it more accurately.

In 5 years time we're going to look back at the way we used to imprison innocent animals and shake our heads in disbelief.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by redgunamo

:hehe: In the old days at Terminal 3, poorly iced and packed fish would often leave their bloody trail across the floor.

Simpler, more trusting times.

---

I was once sent for a random customs check in Houston airport. I was stuck behind an African family who appeared to have brought the entire contents of their house with them - including what was in their fridge. There was meat, fish, cereal - all sorts. The customs lady took pity on me, took a cursory look in my bag and sent me through while they dealt with that shîtshow.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sir C

Or 'London Concentration Camp', as we like to call it more accurately.

In 5 years time we're going to look back at the way we used to imprison innocent animals and shake our heads in disbelief.

---

The penguins always seem to be having a grand time. No predators, not too cold and all the fish they can eat.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by redgunamo

Oh, yes. Arrives the same day. Same as sushi stuff from Nagoya. or what-have-you.

---

It took three weeks for my hat to reach me from Songo Songo :-(

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sir C

Or 'London Concentration Camp', as we like to call it more accurately.

In 5 years time we're going to look back at the way we used to imprison innocent animals and shake our heads in disbelief.

---

Leave it out, hippy. They are more arks these days, not prisons. Many of the species in zoos would be exctinct if it wasn't for the conservation work they do.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sir C

It took three weeks for my hat to reach me from Songo Songo :-(

---

You can't just make up place names like that, you racist!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Ash

They have african hunting dogs in London Zoo. 11 puppies arrived at once the other year.

https://www.zsl.org/videos/zoo-babie...g-puppies-born

Feeding time is good. You can watch the keeper lob a chunk of antelope or something over the fence and watch them excitedly rip it to pieces.

---

I think they must've pinched that trick from having watched the sick lions being fed at Nairobi Animal Clinic*.


*Yes, Nairobi has an Animal Clinic :-\

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Ash

Leave it out, hippy. They are more arks these days, not prisons. Many of the species in zoos would be exctinct if it wasn't for the conservation work they do.

---

You know when animals do that frantic pacing back and forth, or sit rocking themselves? That's not normal behaviour. Those poor beasts are having a nervy b. :-(

I'd rather extinction than torturing those poor creatures :cry:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sir C

It took three weeks for my hat to reach me from Songo Songo :-(

---

:-( Make NATO Great Again.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Burney

You can't just make up place names like that, you racist!

---

Songo Songo would make the basis of a great movie. A speck in the Indian ocean inhabited by a hundred native fishermen and 300 bewildered chinese gas workers :hehe:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Burney

I was once sent for a random customs check in Houston airport. I was stuck behind an African family who appeared to have brought the entire contents of their house with them - including what was in their fridge. There was meat, fish, cereal - all sorts. The customs lady took pity on me, took a cursory look in my bag and sent me through while they dealt with that shîtshow.

---

Yes, that's Africans for you. It's considered rude not to.

Waste not, want not, I suppose.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Burney

The penguins always seem to be having a grand time. No predators, not too cold and all the fish they can eat.

---

I like the sardines frozen in ice they have in the Summertime
I would like to try a sardine ice lolly

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sir C

Songo Songo would make the basis of a great movie. A speck in the Indian ocean inhabited by a hundred native fishermen and 300 bewildered chinese gas workers :hehe:

---

The island where Madeline McCann can be found

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Viva Prat Vegas

The island where Madeline McCann can be found

---

To be honest I think she'd stand out a bit there mate.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Viva Prat Vegas

The island where Madeline McCann can be found

---

And the Loch Ness monster. And our title challenge.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sir C

To be honest I think she'd stand out a bit there mate.

---

An undiscovered island so remote and tiny that it does not show up on the radar of passing aircraft

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Monty92

My father-in-law's just announced his 24-year-old sex-trafficked, FGM'd Nigerian wife is pregnant. He's just been sacked from a job in Dubai and moved back to the US to take another job. To no-one's surprise, her efforts to acquire a US visa so she can join him have been declined and she's now stuck in Dubai, alone, pregnant, jobless and on borrowed time before she gets turfed back to Nigeria.

---

If you are going to describe her in definitive terms like that Monty, I think you should have added in 'clitorisless'.

For completeness like.